I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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