I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
