There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
