Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
