I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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