TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
