batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
