Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
