we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
