I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
