I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.