New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
