wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.