I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"