i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.