i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.