I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
