a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
