i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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