the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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