I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
