I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
