She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
