My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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