now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
