I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
