Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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