What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
