I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
