yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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