This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
