you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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