My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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