I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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