last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
