just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
