What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
