What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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