It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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