But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
