So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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