Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
