it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
