Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
