God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
