if you like me you must not know who I am
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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