what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
