i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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