He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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