tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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