I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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