I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
