saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
