I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
