So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
