Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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