It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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