Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry about my life...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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