Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
