My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
the raccoons are back...
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