It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
