What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
