went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He did a backflip because drugs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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