Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I lost the right to judge tonight
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
