If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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