Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
