If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
