This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
