wakey wakey hands off snakey
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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