I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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